Abusive Relationships – ‘Eat the Cake, Anna Mae!’


There are different types of people throughout the world. Some of them are good, some of them are bad, and some of them are toxic. In the dating scene, we come across many different types of people, some genuine, authentic, and who have pure intentions, and some who have a lot of issues, baggage from previous relationships, and have bad intentions or ulterior motives of some sort. I wanted to talk about one specific type of toxic person. This type of toxic person I’m going to call “completely toxic.”

The completely toxic person may or may not be a good person. But after I tell you a bit about them, you might not care whether they’re good, bad, or even whether their motives are good or bad. You see, a completely toxic person has many different issues that are so unbearably toxic, that it can take a sane person and turn them into a complete nutcase. I know what you must be thinking—being toxic alone is bad enough, let alone someone who is completely toxic and has many issues.

A completely toxic person is someone who wants to get certain treatment, special treatment if you will, including respect, trust, honesty, as well as being spoiled as often as possible (sweet gestures, etc.). The problem is that the completely toxic person isn’t respectful of you, isn’t trustworthy, lies a lot, and doesn’t do anything even remotely sweet for you. One-sided, right? Yes, very one-sided. They usually have endless lists of expectations, where if they’re not met, in a nutshell, you’ll be a disgrace and the worst person and partner that they’ll claim to have ever had.

Not only does the completely toxic person want to be treated with complete respect and in the best of ways, but when they don’t get treated in the best manner, they will act out, show signs of disappointment in you, show signs of a temperament, or they’ll even become emotionally or psychologically abusive. They’ll treat you so bad because you’re not treating them like a King perhaps or a Queen. Notice the capitals that I used. Many times they are alpha males or alpha females, arrogant, aggressive, controlling, dominant, and authoritarian.

We should always avoid these types of toxic people whenever possible. And we should do so when we see the very first sign of any of the above actions or lack of actions. No one should stand by and let someone abuse them. As well, no one should be giving, loving, nurturing, and tend to every little need of someone when they’re not doing their share in the relationship, or even worse, when they’re treating you poorly.

Abuse is never O.K. Not when it’s physical, mental, sexual, or emotional. If you let someone abuse you, you’ll suffer greatly for it by developing a low(er) self-esteem, becoming abusive yourself, or even becoming an emotional mess. There are many other destructive consequences I could list that will likely happen if you choose to stay with someone who’s emotionally abusive, so the bottom line is—don’t!

Love yourself enough to be with someone who will not only do their share in a relationship, but who will love you, and not own you. Don’t settle for someone simply because you’re used to them or because you get used to being treated like sh**. Be with someone who will love, adore, and appreciate you, and who will show you how much they care through their words and their actions. Love is an action, and if someone isn’t showing you how much they care about you, learn to say goodbye, even when it’s hard. And it is hard sometimes. But you must know your worth, and not let people walk all over you.

Many times, people will walk all over you if you let them. Some people don’t even see or realize how damaging their actions are or even how poorly they’re treating you because they’re not self-aware. We should all be self-aware enough to see how we affect others around us, and especially those who are closest to us. “Treat others how you want to be treated in return.” Be kind and loving to your partner, appreciate him or her, be giving and selfless, and most of all, make sure that you’re doing your share in your relationship.

Last but not least, make sure to avoid the “completely toxic” person. And if you’ve already gotten attached to one to some degree, I understand that it’s going to be difficult to let them go, but in the long run, you’ll thank me for it, you’ll have more zen, and you’ll likely become an all-around happier person. Remember, staying with someone who’s toxic is bad, and you shouldn’t waste your time, but staying with someone who’s completely toxic is not only a waste of time and not worth fighting for, but it could end up destroying you on many levels.

Anne Cohen
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4 thoughts on “Abusive Relationships – ‘Eat the Cake, Anna Mae!’

  1. I just want to say that this is a well written article but it doesn’t really explain how to get out of the relationship or even how difficult it can be. It is so traumatizing that it can have effects on your emotional psyche for years to come. I have endured many forms of abuse for so long that now that I can actually be happy, I can’t. I am empty and it is hard to trust anyone, sad to say sometimes even my own children. Being damaged and hurt repeatedly does infact change who you are and who you become. I hope that someone who is reading this article at least acknowledges that they are in a bad position and need to change their situation> I hope you don’t feel alone out there.

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