How to Act on the First Three Dates


There are no rules on how a person should act on the first three dates. In this article, I will explain to you what I feel is appropriate and inappropriate on those first three dates. When you’re meeting someone new, it’s important that you at least had a phone call or two and send messages or emails, before actually meeting the person. Getting to know someone a little bit, before actually meeting, can be quite helpful to know if you should even be on the first date. Why waste your time or anyone else’s by accepting a date with someone that you can tell in merely one phone call, isn’t the right match for you. It’s not black and white and there are no rules on how to act while early dating, but hopefully, I can give you some pointers that may be helpful.

Let’s say you’ve made it to the first date. Let’s suppose he’s an old-fashioned type of fellow and he picks you up at your door. If you’re the woman, you should be relaxed and calm. You should shake off your daily stresses and feel happy and excited about your date. If you’re not feeling happy or excited about your date, you’re probably not in it for the right reasons, or you need to shake it off a little harder before your date arrives. There are many things a woman can do before a first date that can help her relax. I don’t know about you, but for me, before every first date, I get those exciting, nerves where I’m nearly shaking because it’s such a new situation. It’s not a bad nervous, but a good nervous. It’s exciting to know that every first date could be the start of a beautiful new beginning.

A first date has all of the potential in the world to be everything you hope for. Still, there are many things one can do to be calm and ready for her date. She can take a soothing bath, read a book and have some chamomile tea, or work out earlier in the day. There are many things a girl should do to distract yourself from the excitement of the date, so she’s not overly nuts when he comes to pick her up. I fear that people are losing that excitement when they go on first dates, because they go on so many first dates, and their intentions may not be pure.

Many people have questioned why I get so excited and nervous for the first few minutes, on that first date. I suppose it depends on how much communication you had before the first date. As well, depending upon comfort level you feel with your date, that nervous, exciting feeling can be more or less. The most important thing a woman can do is feel genuinely calm, happy, and she can show it through a smile, that should come naturally. It’s hard not to smile back when a pretty girl is smiling at you. Maybe you’ll make him nervous by smiling at him when you walk out of your front door.

On a first date, a girl should dress in a way that’s ladylike, not too revealing, and she should be comfortable and confident. She should definitely put some effort into her appearance, always, but especially, on the first few dates. A man should dress nicely as well. For a man, don’t come out with stains on your shirt and try to sport them, because you’re so confident. It makes you look arrogant. It’s important that you don’t wear flip flops. Seriously though, put a little effort into how you look. There’s potential that this could be the girl of your dreams. If you don’t think it could happen, don’t even date her once. At this point, the man opens her door for her and closes it behind her.

On the first few dates, it’s usually a really good sign when a man is willing to put the effort into making a reservation or at least has an idea in mind where he’s taking his date. Every first date that I have, I view it as a possible last first date that I’ll ever have. When I like a person, I look at the details of things and I keep them within my mind. When a man acts like such a gentleman and courts me like I’m a princess or something, I don’t forget it. I appreciate it so much and I try to let him know. It’s positive reinforcement ladies! You shouldn’t expect it, but appreciate it when it happens. I figure this is something I can tell our grandchildren about one day. I could say, “Your grandfather was such a gentleman! He would pick me up at my door and he was so sweet to me. He put so much effort into everything!” I would tell my grandchildren that you have to be with someone who treats you this way when you grow up. Believe it or not, I truly feel this way.

You may not be used to knowing a woman’s inner thoughts while early dating. You are now in the mind of Anni! But, to those men reading this, this is what we’re thinking! Many women may say they’re not, but they all are and they all prefer to be courted like a lady. If they don’t appreciate you for it, they’re idiots and move on. It’s never been my preference to meet someone halfway or have a coffee date on the first few dates. You can label me as arrogant, but I think there’s something to be said about two people that put out effort in different ways. I have an appreciation for both sexes acting in a way that portrays how their sex should act. Yes, I believe that men should act like men and woman should act like woman. There’s nothing wrong with people that have their own beliefs on how a person should act. I absolutely respect other people’s opinions in this regard. These are merely my thoughts and feelings on this subject. I believe a man should act like a gentleman and I believe a woman should be pristine, act feminine, and be ladylike.

I never liked coffee dates in the beginning, because it’s an uncomfortable setting to be able to relax at. When you’re truly excited about talking with the other person and getting to know them, food and wine can be great to have in-between conversation. It’s not about the dinner or the meal (you can even share your food), it’s about letting go and feeling comfortable enough to open up, and not feel like you’re just another coffee date. What’s wrong with having a little candlelight and some background music to shed some romance! What’s wrong with having a little ambiance!

When a man asks me on a coffee date, I feel like he’s been burnt before and woman have clearly taken this man and abused his romantic side to the point where I miss out on being treated in a normal fashion. I don’t deny the stories I’ve heard to be true, about how many women are just looking for a free meal or something of the sort. It takes a really nasty type of girl to do such a thing. Make sure you talk on the phone with a girl before the first date and see if she gives you her time. You can tell a lot before the date happens. Look at the questions she asks you and try to make a wise decision before asking her on a date. There’s nothing wrong with communicating by phone first. Of course, chemistry is everything! Just make sure she’s in it for the right reasons. The same goes for yourself!

On the first date, it’s important for the conversation to be light and casual. At the same time, you need to ask each other questions to see if you’re a good match or not. If you’re seeing that you’re already not a good match, there won’t be any need to have a second date. The most important thing to do on the first date is to ask a lot of questions. I’m not saying to interrogate the other person. Ask things that are important enough to you, that if things don’t match up with those questions, then you’ll know whether or not to continue seeing this person.

On this first date, it’s important to remember to be yourself. Despite the excited, nervous feelings you may have, how attractive, or intimidating the other person may be, you have to maintain your confidence and be yourself. Don’t be distracted by a person’s appearance and forget to ask questions that are important to you. No matter how gorgeous the other person is, it’s what’s inside that counts. Don’t get me wrong, the frosting (appearance, physical attraction, material things, etc.) is great, but frosting doesn’t last without cake (foundation). If everything matches up nicely on this first date and you’re comfortable enough to give your date a kiss, there’s nothing wrong with that. There shouldn’t be rules about kissing on the first date. There shouldn’t be rules at all on the first date. If there was one rule, the only rule would be is to do what feels right for you and what you feel comfortable with.

There’s nothing sweeter that will let a girl know you’re interested than asking her out for a second date, while on the first date. Remember guys, there are no games in dating. At least, there doesn’t have to be. I understand that women and men have experienced hard times and pain from previous dating experiences and relationships. Do not bring past wounds into a new situation. I can’t stress it enough when I say do not play games. There’s no waiting period to call the other person. As a girl, I personally don’t call a guy, until I feel it’s safe, where I know he’s interested and he’s desiring to hear from me. Then I can let go more and be myself. That’s not a game, but more of an old-fashioned recipe.

I believe that a man should take the lead in early dating. After a few dates or when a girl is sure that the guy is interested, I think it’s not only important but should be mandatory that both people don’t have to think about acting a certain way and can just be themselves. A man does not have to ask a girl on a second date while on the first date if he doesn’t want to. If he’s interested and asks later, that’s alright too. It’s just a way of making a girl feel more secure that you like her and you’d like to see her again. When you ask a girl for a second date while on the first date, it lets her know that you’re not playing games with her and that you’re truly interested in seeing where things will go.

You’ve made it to the second date. What’s the most important thing you can do on a second date? The most important thing you can do is ask a lot of questions. Yep, ask a lot of questions again! Don’t worry, if things flow with the two of you, those questions will come naturally and won’t feel like a quiz. There are many questions you can ask a person. What’s important to remember is that it’s not about the questions only, it’s about the responses as well. Be a good listener and listen to his/her responses. So it’s important to ask questions, listen to responses, and listen to the way a person is responding. The way a person responds to questions can say a lot about the person. Someone can make you feel good or bad by the questions you ask. I wouldn’t pry too much into a person’s private life, but let them naturally open up about certain things (especially, when you notice them to be sensitive subjects).

There are a lot of stupid questions that people ask like what’s your favorite color and what’s your horoscope sign. I’ve asked a person what’s their horoscope sign before, but in all honesty, I’m not really into all of that. Those things don’t matter as much as how well you get along and connect with each other. You should date someone that you find you can have a connection with on as many levels as possible. That means, you should have chemistry, connect on an intellectual level, on a musical level, or whatever levels that are important to you to have in your life. Everyone’s looking for something different, so you have to see what’s important to you and see if you connect with the other person in those ways.

Well, the third date is here. I don’t know about you, but if I make it past the first date, there’s a good chance I’ll make it to the third date. I believe that after a few seconds of meeting someone, you know if there’s chemistry. After the first date, you know if a person is normal and you ever want to see them again. I don’t believe it takes more than 2 to 3 dates, to know if you can have a relationship with someone. When you go about the first three dates in a way that’s healthy, where you ask a lot of questions, and do a lot of talking, instead of being overly flirty, you can find out a lot about a person. You can find out if you both want similar things in your future, which is very important to know, if you want to keep seeing this person.

Despite what many people might think, if you’re emotionally available, looking for love, have pure intentions, found someone you feel compatible with, as well as enjoyed each other’s company on the first three dates, there’s no reason you can’t be in a relationship already. I’m sure many people might disagree. However, if both people are emotionally healthy and in a place where things flow and it feels right, I say go for it! After the third date, if you’re on dating sites, turn them off! After the third date, you should be ready to explore getting to know this one person and giving it a shot. The point of dating, is to get to know someone, so you need to ask a lot of questions. It’s hard to concentrate on more than one person at a time. So for those people on dating sites, dating other people, or to those that want to play the field, you should stop after three dates, and give something a shot when it has potential.

I have a very old-fashioned mentality, which many people may disagree with. However, I feel that on the first few dates, the man should take the lead and initiate the second date. He should initiate the first phone calls, initiate turning off dating sites, and be the one to ask the girl to be in a relationship (when they’re both ready). It may take more than three dates to know if you want a relationship with someone and that’s fine. Remember, when dating is done right and the right questions are asked, it shouldn’t take all that long to get into a relationship.

I don’t believe everything is black and white. I realize that there are many times when things are grey and sometimes people take longer than we’d like to want to be in an exclusive relationship. As long as you understand, that it doesn’t necessarily have to take a long time to figure out whether you want to go forward with someone. When you put the effort and time into talking a lot, listening a lot, and feeling a lot, early dating can breeze you right into that relationship you desire. Your first few dates can be very beautiful and memorable when you have that special connection. Wishing you all to find that special love you’ve been hoping for. Enjoy the rest of your day!

Anne Cohen
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5 thoughts on “How to Act on the First Three Dates

  1. I’m old fashioned too but I am as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs on that first date! I have been fooled but the first date will tell me to ask for a second date. And this man likes to answer questions from his date. I learn from the asker…is that a word? Great tips ‘Anni’. Toda!

    1. Thank you David! I learn by listening as well. Like a wise man once said, “We learn more by listening, rather than speaking.” I don’t actually know the exact quote… Google says that “asker” means soldier, but understood! Haha

  2. I am old school and I definitely believe that men should be gentlemen and women remain classy. We do not need to follow the crowd or fit in. We will receive what is intended for us to have.

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