Breaking Trust and Confiding in Others


Relationships should be explored when two people see the potential of having something meaningful with one another. Healthy and happy relationships should be based on a strong foundation which involves love, trust, honesty, great communication, attraction, and chemistry. As you can see, one of those foundation pillars is trust. And part of having trust, is being able to confide in one another.

A couple should be able to confide in one another, and feel comfortable enough to do so. Couples should never judge each other, but instead, they should be willing to listen to each other with an open mind and an open heart. One thing that I’ve seen many couples do, is that they confide in other people, instead of their partner, or perhaps in addition to their partner. They do so about everything, including their relationship problems, and even in regards to the intimacy that they share with their partner.

Couples should be able to trust one another completely. You should never have to question whether or not your partner is going to tell all of your private issues, your relationship problems, or anything that you might’ve shared privately with them to others. And whether you or your partner share issues that you have as a couple with someone else in hopes of getting advice or merely to just vent, it’s wrong. That is, to some extent. There are just some things that couples simply should not share with other people. Sharing things that were told to you in confidence is a form of betrayal.

Everyone is always going to have an opinion. But sometimes, other people’s opinions will affect us in a negative manner, and especially when we’re in a vulnerable state of mind, and when we’re going through hard times. It’s one thing to share something with your friend, a family member, or therapist, and sure, depending on what you share, that shouldn’t be an issue. A normal amount of sharing is normal. But the problem is that many times couples simply don’t know where to draw the line between what’s appropriate and O.K. to share with others, and what is not. Know the difference, and especially if your partner confides in you in a manner where they specifically ask you not to share certain things.

We need to respect our partners, and treat them how we’d want to be treated. They say that respect is earned, and cannot be demanded, but the same thing goes for trust, because trust needs to be earned, and not expected. You should never be so careless as to share secrets or private issues with anyone outside of your relationship, especially when you were asked to keep them a secret. Someone once told me that secrets are bad. Well, I beg to differ. Secrets aren’t bad when they’re secrets that are kept between two people who love each other, trust each other, and are merely sharing things on a deeper level. That’s just part of being close to your significant other. We should always be able to share private things with our partners.

Telling people about your sex life

Many times, people will choose to tell others about things like, “how amazing their intimacy is with their partner.” I’m sure that either you or someone who you know has likely experienced this happen to them at least once. This is plain and simply bad behaviour. Intimacy between two people should be sacred, and only shared between the people who are involved. No one should stoop so low that they would prance around telling other people about their intimate life and experiences that they’ve had with their partner. That’s just wrong on so many levels. And if anything, this can break a couple’s trust.

Intimacy is something sacred and private between two people. It’s not something that should be bragged about or criticized to anyone else. Tell your partner how incredible your intimacy is, and if you have complaints, tell your partner. I mean after all, you’re supposed to be friends and not just lovers. These things should be communicated to your partner, and your partner alone. 

You shouldn’t have to tell other people about your sex life at all, or any other private things that you share with your partner for that matter. There’s a sacred bond that you share with your partner when you’re in a relationship or even more so, when you’re married. Intimacy between couples is sacred, private, and something that couples should know better than to talk about to even one other person outside of their relationship. And if you’re the type of person who likes to vent to your friends about your relationship issues, think twice before you disclose anything that would be considered too personal or anything that would make your partner feel uncomfortable with you sharing. Take your partner’s feelings into consideration, and keep certain things private.

Sharing private things with your therapist about your partner and your relationship

Now as far as confiding, venting, and talking to therapists about your partner and your relationship, honestly, that can be wrong too. Don’t shake your head saying no! Yes, it can be a huge problem when couples talk to a therapist about their issues when they choose a bad therapist. There are good people in this world and bad ones. The same goes for therapists, so you should pick one who is not only wise, or one who has many degrees, but one who will give you good advice, or at the very least, they’ll just be a good listening ear.

Therapists are not supposed to tell you what to do. They should advise you on what they think, and some therapists won’t even do that! Bad therapists will tell you exactly what you should do, and many times, they will even threaten to fire you as a patient if you don’t take their advice and do exactly what they say. And unless, that therapist has heard two sides of a story, telling someone exactly what they should do could cause even more turbulence, discomfort, pain, and stress to a patient’s life. 

I mean, don’t get me wrong, because if someone is harming themselves in some way, a therapist should not only tell their patient that they should stop, but they might even be obligated to tell someone about it, and not only to protect their patient, but also to legally protect themselves. However, when a patient confides in their therapist for advice, and the therapist tells the patient to break up with their partner or to do certain things without even knowing the other side to a story, it’s just wrong.

Be careful what you share, and with whom you share your private matters. And don’t ever think that a therapist will ultimately know what’s best for you, your relationship, or your life. Pick and choose a therapist wisely. Even therapists will have red flags, so proceed with caution. Therapists have relationship issues just like everyone else, and they’re far from perfect just like you and me. Don’t just think that because your therapist gives you advice or has certain degrees from impressive universities, that they will know what’s best for you. You know what’s best for you, so listen to your instinct, listen to the advice of others, but you should be the one who makes the final and best decisions for your own life. Sometimes, you just need to use your logic.

Going to a bad therapist can bring a lot of turbulence to a couple. For one thing it can open up Pandora’s box for bigger issues, and things that might’ve not even been issues to begin with, or at least, things that someone didn’t consider issues. And I’m not talking about sweeping things under the rug, but more so, bringing up issues when someone felt easy going about them. I mean, after all, you have to pick and choose your battles, right? As well, when you go to a bad therapist, you might end up bringing home a new set of expectations of your partner or even of yourself.

I’ve seen good therapists and bad therapists in my life, and I can honestly say that the good one’s make you feel better, even if you cry, pour your heart out, or talk about difficult things from your past. But still, you will leave in a place where you feel inspired to be better, and where you’ll feel motivated to work on improving yourself. But a bad therapist, and I’d have to say a bad patient as well (yeah, sometimes it’s a combination of the two), will leave a patient with a whole new set of issues, or feeling as if they need to make dramatic changes in their life, and many times, abruptly so. 

Confiding in other people about your relationship problems can many times do more harm than good, and it’s simply not worth it to vent. Be cautious with who you share things with. And if your partner shares private things with you, don’t break the trust in your relationship by sharing that information with other people. As well, remember not to ever use what your partner shares with you against them when arguing or ever, and not even to prove a point. You should never bring up private things that your partner told you in confidence, or worse, to use it against them. If you do that, your partner won’t want to share things with you again, it will cause your partner pain and discomfort, not to mention that your relationship will suffer because of it. Love and value your partner enough that you keep certain things private. 

Anne Cohen
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