Can a Girl Make the First Move in Online Dating ?


I’ve written before about my old fashioned views on whether or not a girl should make the first move with a guy. I felt the need to write about this subject again, only this time, in regards to girls taking the initiative, and making the first move in online dating. When it comes to girls making the first move, I generally don’t think it’s wise. However, online dating can get quite complicated, and there will be times when people will get so swamped with emails, chat messages, winks, favourites, etc., and they might be overlooked, and unnoticed.

Many times, any of the above can get lost, or not seen, and we don’t end up seeing who looked at our profile, winked at us, who sent us a message, or whatever else. What many people don’t understand, men specifically, is that generally speaking, women get more attention, more emails, and more of everything else when it comes to being contacted on dating sites. The reason is because men are generally known to be the aggressors, and they pursue the women. It’s true however, many women pursue just as hard as men these days, and sometimes even harder in order to get what they want. That includes taking the initiative, taking the lead, reaching out to men, and making the first move.

When it comes to online dating, just like how it is outside of the cyber world, I don’t believe that women should act as the aggressors, and I don’t believe that they should make the first move. Having said that, in this cyber world of online dating, being that it’s so challenging, and being that many times a woman will get so swamped with emails that she may never even know that you contacted her, I believe that women can contact a man first. When a woman takes the initiative, I feel that she should do it delicately, and keep it short.

Many people don’t respond or even check likes, flirts, or favourites, so don’t bother with them, and send an short message. A woman should say hello, or any greeting that she likes, leave her name, and even possibly mention to check out her profile, and if interested, yada, yada. I don’t believe that a woman should start asking heavy questions, or put herself out there more than sending the first email to a guy in online dating. I still believe that men should be the aggressors in relationships, and definitely during early dating.

If you’re a patient type of girl or woman, you should merely click on the profile of the man that you’re interested in, and being that men don’t generally get as much attention on dating sites as women do, he might see that you viewed him, and if he’s interested, he’ll contact you first. In other words, all you have to do is view his profile, and then let him take the lead, or at least give him a chance to do so. However, many times a man won’t reach out to you after seeing that you viewed him.

You can usually tell if a guy goes online after you viewed him, or if he was currently online while viewed him, and yet he may still make no contact. In cases like that, it’s possible that he didn’t actually see that you viewed him online, and you should go ahead and send him a short, but sweet message.

Like I said before, there’s nothing wrong with a woman initiating a conversation in online dating. The fact of the matter is, in life and in love, if you don’t go after what you want, you won’t get it, and why risk not getting what you want. You should definitely go after something that you want to be yours. It definitely doesn’t hurt to try, and it’s okay to taking the initiative. If you think about it, when it comes to online dating, there’s a 50/50 chance that you’ll get a positive response. Yes folks, the glass is half full, and you should think positively, and especially, if you’re going to be sending out the first message.

When I say that men should be the pursuers, the aggressors, and make the first move, and preferably, even when it comes to online dating, it’s not a game. I’m definitely not into mind games. However, I believe in giving situations a chance, and that goes as well for giving a man the chance to step up, take the initiative, and contact a woman first.

For me personally, I’ve seldom sent out messages where I was the one taking the initiative. However, when I ever felt that a certain profile appeared to be so incredibly striking, and to the point where I didn’t want to miss out on a possible chance with the person, I’d reach out first. I recently took a poll in one of my Facebook groups, called “Dating and Relationship Advice,” and I asked all of the men how they felt about a woman taking the initiative, and making the first move.

Most of the men responded positively, and felt that it was a really good thing when a woman made the first move. There were just a few people that disagreed, or felt that there was a fine line between a woman taking the initiative, and making the first move being a good thing, but doing so without being too aggressive. I’d have to agree with the latter, because I don’t believe that a woman should be aggressive during early dating or upon just meeting someone.

During early dating, a woman shouldn’t come across as too intense when it comes to making the first move. Don’t get me wrong, I think that most people can agree that nothing is more attractive than a powerful, motivated, and driven woman that’s crazy smart, and knows what she wants. Other than those men out there that get intimidated by those types of powerful woman, I still think that a small part of everyone finds them appealing. A powerful woman outside of the bedroom, isn’t necessarily a powerful woman inside of the bedroom. As well, the same goes for woman that appear soft, sweet, and innocent outside of the bedroom, they could wind up being brutally aggressive inside of it.

Despite what type of woman someone is, whether it’s a powerful, strong, boss type of woman, or an old-fashioned, sweet, homemaking type, the same rule applies for making the first contact with a man online. Give a man a chance to take the lead, but if he doesn’t, you should do so gently, subtly, and you don’t have to worry about being bold enough to get noticed, because a woman that takes the initiative is already bold, and you’ll stand out to him for putting yourself out there. Good luck strong women!

Anne Cohen
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