Dwelling in the Darkness



I sit outside my door,

Waiting for you.

Directly on the floor,

Cigarettes and booze. 

Waiting until you get here,

Looks like it’ll be awhile.

You’re gone now, you’re gone,

The loneliest of smiles. 

My earplugs are on,

The music is fierce.

I keep tuning out the sound,

But my memories, they pierce.

Distilled are my thoughts,

Drained with this booze.

Nothing else to give,

Nothing left to lose. 

The train tracks are empty,

No train is in site.

The stairs are too few,

A very short flight. 

To starve, but I’m hungry,

Why suffer until the end.

Lonely and vacant,

No, I don’t need a friend. 

Tables will turn soon,

Though I can’t seem to envision.

So why should I care,

If you get what you’ve given. 

Struggle at your feet,

While I sit on this floor.

Struggle, while you smile,

Shut the fucking screen door. 

Who’s waiting for me,

Who will greet me when I go.

The curiosity is killing,

It’s haunting that I don’t know. 

Is anyone there?

Will anyone even care?

What’s that you say?

You’ll be there in the end? 

Stay away from now on,

Let my end be the end.

I don’t need you, friend.

It’s too late for us to mend. 

Don’t crawl at my feet,

Don’t crawl at my stone.

I will leave when I want to.

Just leave me alone.

Go on now, get lost.

Go ahead now, just go!

Leave me, just leave me.

No need to console. 

We all get dark sometimes.

You and me both.

But when I need you, you’re gone.

This dark is my oath.

This is my time now,

Outside my own door.

My comfort in sadness,

Devoured at my core.

I miss you, it’s true,

But I don’t miss the pain.

Drowning my youth,

Trapped by my own restraint.

I don’t care if you love me,

I know that you don’t.

Suddenly, it feels cold here,

Time for another smoke.

It’s draining, this torture,

Living this lie.

The yearning for yonder,

Torn up goodbyes.

You’re far now, you’re gone,

Maybe I should go too.

But what good is complaining,

What good will it do.

Goodbye then, I’m leaving.

Again, I know—farewell.

But for now, I’ll grieve in darkness,

I’ll just sit alone and dwell.

Anne Cohen
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