How To Handle a Messy Divorce



When a marriage ends, most of us would prefer to get it done seamlessly – or at least, without a ton of extra court fees and dramatics. Unfortunately, this is just often not how things unfold in reality. That is why I believe that it is important to equip ourselves with the necessary tools to handle it if things didn’t go the way we want it. 

I understand that this is hardly ideal for anyone but making the preparations or taking precautions never hurts. Additionally, if you look at some of the statistics surrounding this topic, you will notice that many divorces do not end in a friendly manner. Of course, this is not inherently the fault of anyone involved (in most cases), but simply a part of the process. Splitting from a partner is not easy.

You do not have to go at it alone, though. Today, I will be explaining to you some of the ways that you can get assistance in working through it. While it may seem like an insurmountable task, or like you have no where to turn to, hopefully once you are finished here today you will understand that this is far from the case.

The Complicated Feelings That Come With It

Most of us already know that there will be some difficult circumstances that come alongside a divorce. No matter what, it will end up changing your life to some extent. However, I think that what is downplayed far too often are the feelings that coincide with it. Rarely do we see them discussed or even acknowledged.

Here is the thing: you should not be expected to be happy or relieved because you are getting out of a relationship that was not working out. Sure, you might be experiencing those things tangentially, and I am very happy for anyone who does experience that. However, more than likely you will also be experiencing feelings of sadness, remorse, and loneliness.

Unfortunately, overwhelming feelings sort of come with the territory here. If you are feeling that way, do not worry. You have nothing to be ashamed of. While it is tempting to try to keep everything bottled up inside, my advice would be to try not to do that. In the end, that usually ends up being more counter-productive than anything else, alas.

Instead, it is probably a good idea to do your best to work through those difficult feelings. Let us delve into some of the circumstances or sensations that you can expect from such a challenging time. First off, of course, is the finance aspect.

If you did not know, this is probably the messiest part of separating from a partner. A lot of things can change here for people depending on how entwined their lives were before the divorce. With children involved along with property disputes, it can get a lot worse, too.

You will likely have disputes with your ex-partner about who gets to keep the property, the financial assets, and more. Obviously, this is not fun for anyone involved – and it is typically the first reason that folks opt to get a solicitor involved.

Some of the reality here is that without proper preparation, the disputes can go on for a very long time. No one wants to predict or imagine breaking up with their partner early on into a marriage, but there are certain precautions that we could take just in case. Keeping very detailed and accurate record of all things financial is one of those that is quite effective.

What else is there, though? I think guilt is a huge one, although it is usually not an “accurate” feeling. Allow me to explain.

It is perfectly natural to feel some responsibility for a breakup. In fact, I would argue that it is healthy to feel that way, considering the fact that some folks have a very hard time accepting responsibility for their actions. However, it is critical to acknowledge that outside of extreme circumstances (involving abuse or some other similar factor), both partners will be at fault. No one wants to accept that, but it is the truth.

If you check out resources such as this one, you will notice that there certainly do appear to be many more divorces in today’s day and age than there were in the past. However, I do think that it is important to put these statistics into perspective. Back then, it was extremely difficult for women to get a voice and to be able to divorce their husbands – even in the worst of circumstances. Looking at it this way, I think that most of us can agree that we have moved in the right direction.

Getting Help

We have certainly covered a lot of heavy and difficult topics today, so if you need to take a breather, I understand. However, to conclude today, I would like to discuss some of the options that you have for support during trying circumstances like the ones I mentioned above. An obvious first instinct is to see a therapist, and I would hardly be one to recommend against doing so.

However, another option that you can take is to hire a solicitor (also known as an attorney or a lawyer). They are not going to be able to provide the same level of coping skills, but often they can help you out by being both a shoulder to lean on and a resource for how to proceed in legal terms. After all, I do not think that everyone going through a separation knows exactly what to do for settling things in court, right?

None of this advice is required, but I do hope that it has been helpful for you. Clearly, this is something extremely difficult to go through, and I truly do empathize. Sending the best wishes to anyone experiencing these struggles.

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