The Importance of Having Great Chemistry from the Very Get-Go



There are many foundation pillars that relationships need in order to be successful. The same goes for in marriage. A few of those pillars are things like great communication, honesty, compatibility, and I might as well even throw in being each other’s best friends. But one of the main pillars that can ultimately make or break a relationship is having great chemistry. Now keep in mind that having great chemistry and feeling attracted towards your partner go hand in hand.

You can work on developing better communication, improving how brutally honest you are with one another, and you can always improve your friendship by doing things like spending quality time, and even doing fun activities together. But when it comes to having great chemistry, it’s either there or it’s not, and it’s important to know this from the get-go, and the very beginning.

You can’t create chemistry and attraction. The most that you can do are things that might improve your romantic life, and your intimacy. There are many ways to spice things up and keep the fire alive in relationships. But creating something from nothing is nearly impossible. Therefore, if you don’t feel chemistry with someone from the very beginning, you should never pursue that situation at all.

A lot of times people feel that true love happens over time. I definitely agree with that mentality, except for the fact that you can’t create the feeling of attraction to another person. Having said that, it is a little more gray than I’m making it out to be. Nothing is really ever completely black and white. Let me explain – There are different types of attraction that you can have for another person which some of are based on physical beauty, intellect, laughter, and even kindness.

For me personally, I can have a bestfriend that I love hanging out with, laugh with to the point of exhaustion, but still lack the feeling of attraction towards. So for me personally, none of the above can really create attraction, at least not for me. However, when it comes to intelligence, sometimes I wonder if I’m a “sapiosexual,” because for me – intelligence is sexy, and yes, it can be a complete turn on!


I’m well aware that not a lot of people feel the same way, but I definitely know some that would agree. I suppose that’s the gray area, at least from my perspective. But generally speaking, there’s a level of chemistry and attraction that you can even grasp upon the first words that someone speaks to you – and even on the telephone. But then again, I’ve had many first phone calls with people, ended up going on a first date with them, and within about five seconds, I knew that they were the wrong match.

When you lack attraction for someone with hopes that your feelings will grow overtime, you’re setting yourself up for what could possibly be a big disappointment. This is why it’s imperative that we don’t settle for an “okay match.” We shouldn’t only get what we feel we deserve, but we should also strive to find our best possible match that we’ll not only be happy with now and today, but for always.


I’ve heard many stories of people that ended in divorce where things didn’t work out because the intimacy stopped, they lost attraction for one another, or even because they failed keep the romance alive altogether. I don’t know how people let it get to that point when it comes to intimacy, other than the fact that I feel that from the very get-go, they might’ve felt “lust” instead of “love” for their partner. It’s important to know the difference between love and lust, because lust can’t turn into love. However, love can definitely become lustful and hotter over time as the love grows.

It’s always good to concentrate on improving your intimate and romantic life with your partner, and not only when things have taken a wrong turn. I highly recommend having a date night at least once a week with my partner. Even more so, I never want it to feel like a forced thing, because being on the same page as your partner, and doing things out of complete and genuine love means everything when you’re in a relationship.

Remember, when you’re truly in love and with your best possible match, your attraction to your partner will be based on that love, and will grow over time. So despite a person’s beauty on the outside, you’ll recognize their beauty from within at a much greater level, and you’ll likely find them to be even more beautiful than the day you met them. This is why weight, age, and things of the sort are never real factors when it comes down to people’s delusional logic as to why they stopped being intimate with one another.

If someone is insecure and self-conscious about their body to the point where they’re not intimate with their partner, then they need to work on their insecurities, or even work on living more of a healthy lifestyle so that they’ll feel better about themselves. However, it’s always important to remember the ultimate goal in life and in your relationship with your partner, and that’s to do things that make you, your partner, and your life happier.

You should always be willing to make the appropriate changes to improve your love life with your partner, and withholding intimacy is a big problem for many relationships and marriages. But it can all be avoided by being supportive of your partner, have great communication with one another, and by making sure that from the very get-go of starting your relationship with them that you have enough attraction and chemistry with them. 

Anne Cohen
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