Is Monogamy a Delusion?



I’ve done quite a bit of research, and have read forum, after forum, finding that one of the main subjects talked about is cheating, and being unfaithful. It makes me wonder how many people are actually monogamous, and true to their word. It seems that many, if not most people have cheated on someone or have been cheated on at least once in their life, whether they learned from it or not depends on the person. Yet, some people have never cheated or been cheated on. Ah, the rare breed of humans that most singles would prefer to meet. Yes, there are still many fish in the sea that are faithful, will be faithful, and absolutely believe in monogamy, and desire to have a monogamous relationship.

I’ve met many people that have had different mentalities than me. Everything from having open relationships to even cheating on their spouse for things like lack of intimacy. There’s never a good excuse to cheat on someone. If anything, when healthy communication, prayer, meditation, seeking advice, or even therapy doesn’t work, then just leave the person, and save them the misery of being cheated on. The damage that cheating can cause is immense. For me personally, lying is nearly as bad as cheating. As well, emotional cheating is ranked pretty high up there.

No one wants to be cheated on or to have their partner hurt them in such a way. Many people struggle with being monogamous when they have issues in their relationships. Just as the short few suggestions that I just listed above, there are many things that one can do when they catch themselves having negative thoughts such as cheating.

When it comes to dating and meeting someone new, it takes time to truly get to know a person. Even when you explore an exclusive relationship, and many times you think that you someone well, one partner ends up cheating on the next, and there’s always an excuse as to why. Not necessarily a good excuse, but either way, an excuse. The truth is, there’s never a good enough excuse.

We all need to value our partners, appreciate them when we have them, and hold what we have in life as sacred and irreplaceable. When you appreciate what you have in the manner that you should, you’ll be much less likely to do things such as cheat on your partner or even take them for granted in different ways.

Monogamy exists, and it’s just about finding the right partner that you can trust. Despite what many people say throughout forums and even throughout different communities, NOT EVERYONE CHEATS. There are good men in the world, good women in the world, and then there are those that are just simply not as good when it comes to being a good and faithful partner. This is why it’s important to choose your best possible match, and to do so wisely.

When you’re dating someone new, you should get to know them well, but fall in love with them using your heart and your logic. When people have a past where they’ve cheated on someone before, it’s important to acknowledge that, and definitely not to sweep it under the rug. If I go into a situation like such, I’d personally consider it a red flag, although I’m well aware that many people would give things a shot. There’s nothing wrong with giving it a shot, but if you do so, I’d highly recommend proceeding with caution.

They say that “once a cheater, always a cheater.” Despite the fact that when someone cheats on someone in their past to be more of a red flag, I’m well aware that we should all have forgiving hearts, give situations a blank clean slate, and realize that many people are remorseful for their past, have worked on themselves, and have even become better people. It’s definitely a case to case type of decision that one would have to make when it comes to dating someone that cheated on a previous partner. 

I’ve dated people in the past, given them my trust, and have been cheated on. Yet I still try to go into every situation with a blank clean slate, giving people a genuine chance. Otherwise, my love life and any relationship that I’d explore wouldn’t stand a chance. After all, someone new that you date shouldn’t have to get punished or blamed for something that they didn’t do. They shouldn’t be to blame for someone cheating on you, or even for what might’ve happened to you in your past. The new person didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t treat them like they did.

If you treat someone like they have their hand caught in a cookie jar, when it wasn’t there at all, it kinda sucks, and they likely won’t stick around for the abuse or for your baggage. If you’ve been cheated on by someone from your past, you need to let it go, and be in an emotionally healthy place so that you don’t carry around the “baggage” or bad experiences that you’ve endured. You have to be able to trust your partner, so you need to move on from what was, and go forward, learning from what you’ve gone through.

Anne Cohen
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