Loving a Man With Low Self-Esteem: How You Can Help



While it’s perfectly normal for most men to have some insecurities, being excessively insecure can take a toll on your relationship. While for some men, the issues start showing up later in life or in the relationship, in many cases, signs of insecurity can be spotted at the very beginning. The good news is that in many cases, you as a partner can help them get over their insecurities and regain their self-esteem. Here are a few tips for women who have to deal with a 
partner with self-esteem issues

Find the Root of His Insecurities 

The first thing you should do when dealing with an insecure partner is knowing where their insecurities stem from. In many cases, their insecurity may be related to their upbringing or some traumatic event in their childhood. Maybe they had to deal with an overbearing, inattentive, or unloving parent. Or maybe they were bullied as they grew up. This might give you a better indication and understanding as to why they may feel devastated after getting berated by a boss, for instance.


In some cases, the issues might have to do with their appearance or old age. Their looks may be starting to fade and they might get hit by what is 
known as the invisible man syndrome. It’s time to reassure them and show them how you see them through your own eyes. Men often have difficulty assessing themselves properly and may be overly critical, but your job is to let them know that you love them and are there for them no matter what. You may not be able to talk them out of their negative self-talk but showing that you are there to support them might be all that it takes for them to get their confidence back. 

Find Out if it’s Work Related 

Work and financial issues are one of the biggest insecurities for many men. Many still want to see themselves as the breadwinner of the family and coming up short at work can be a huge issue for them. Try to find out if their insecurities are in any way related to their work situation. If they’re having a bad time at work, let them vent. This will allow them to release and will also give you the chance to reassure them by reminding them of all the things they do well. 

Know that it’s Not Your Fault


If the insecurities have absolutely nothing to do with your behavior, then the blame falls on him. If you have been faithful throughout your whole relationship and have done everything in your power to be a supportive partner, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you’re the one who has to change. Insecure partners will often try to put their own insecurities on their partners and this could lead you down a vicious spiral of you trying to modify your behavior to make him feel better. 

A perfect example is a man blaming their partner for their own jealousy when they were simply being courteous, or possessive partners who claim to do so out of love. Trying to change your behavior to appease their insecurities will only reinforce their behavior, which will slowly drive the both of you further apart. 

This also means that you should never lose yourself and stop doing what makes you who you are. Don’t stop the activities or hobbies you were doing before meeting them for the sake of their insecurities. Never forget that their insecurities are their problem to solve; giving up what makes you the person you are will only make you resentful at the end and be detrimental to your relationship. 

Recognize when Insecurities Can’t be Fixed 

While coping with an insecure partner is something that can be done some of the time, you also have to be able to recognize when their self-esteem is broken beyond repair. When their insecurities are becoming overbearing and putting too much pressure on your relationship, then it might be time to call it quits. If they become too possessive and require that you give them your undivided attention 100% of the time, then it might be too late to fix their self-esteem issues. Also, you have to assess whether their insecurities are stopping them from even functioning as a member of society. If your partner’s insecurities are crippling and are extending way beyond your relationship, then you might want to consider therapy as a solution.


Low self-esteem can be a challenge for any man and can have a disastrous effect on your relationship if left unattended. Make sure both of you work together to help your partner gain his self-confidence back so he can go back to being the man you fell in love with.


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