Why It’s Not Worth It to ‘Keep the Peace’ in Your Relationship


Nothing is more beautiful than what a healthy and loving relationship can bring. When things aren’t one-sided, and when the love that two people share with one another is satisfying on both ends. But unfortunately, many people have experienced one-sided relationships, where one person loves the other more, gives more, and cares more about making their relationship great. Feeling satisfied and fulfilled in a relationship is a two way street. Both people need to feel loved and to feel as if the other person cares about them and their relationship just as much as they do.

It’s important to focus on what you bring into a relationship. You should make sure that you’re doing your share of things, giving enough love, affection, understanding, and even when it comes to sharing your feelings and opening up with your partner, you need to focus on doing what you can on your end. You can’t change your partner into the type of person who’s more dedicated. If you’re feeling as if things are one-sided or as if your partner simply doesn’t care about you, your feelings, or your relationship as much as you do, talk with him or her, and let them know how you’re feeling. This is not something that you should let slide or postpone in any way. Let your partner know how you’re feeling.

We need to feel comfortable in our relationships, and to the point where we can openly express our feelings and thoughts. We shouldn’t have to hide our true feelings, walk on eggshells, or bite our tongues, just to ease or prevent tension with our partner. Part of having a healthy and loving relationship is feeling comfortable and being able to share things with one another. Having said that, we still need to pick and choose our battles and not make every little thing a big deal. However, when something is important to you or is concerning you in some way, speak your mind and let your partner know how you’re feeling. Don’t hold in your true feelings. And it shouldn’t matter how stressed out, busy. and consumed someone is in other areas of their life, because if you’re in a relationship, it needs to be treated as a priority.

Healthy and happy relationships take a certain amount of love and effort on both ends. Make sure that you’re doing your share. But also, make sure that you feel comfortable enough to express yourself, so that when you want or need something, you don’t assume that your partner knows what that is. You should be honest, direct, and open about what you want and need, and never just assume or expect that they’ll know, or even that they should know. As well, you shouldn’t have to pretend that everything is fine, when it’s not. If you feel that things are one-sided, things are not fine, so never say that everything is fine—when it’s not.

Be honest and direct with your partner. Don’t play the “let’s avoid drama game. In reality, that’s not keeping the peace. That’s merely sweeping things and your feelings under the rug. Simply said, it’s an easy way out method of creating short term light and long term darkness. You’re imploding how you really feel, what you really need, and what you really want. Be true to yourself and to your partner by letting them know how you feel and what your wants and needs are. Avoiding conflict is never a good solution to making or keeping a relationship peaceful and happy. And it’s definitely not a good long term solution by any means. Care enough about your relationship to not only develop good communication, but also, to maintain good communication, because the love and happiness that you share together will thrive when you do.

I’m not sure if there’s something like this in other religions, but in Judaism, they say that the best way of keeping a marriage happier, is by having “shalom bayit,” which means “peace in the home.” They say that shalom bayit is the most important thing. And really, I couldn’t agree more. But the catch is, to create shalom bayit by working on developing better communication, and not by letting things slide all of the time. Letting things slide, sweeping issues and concerns under the rug, and not being your authentic self and feeling comfortable enough to express yourself and share things with one another, is not creating long term shalom bayit—it’s creating short term shalom bayit.

If you feel as if your partner isn’t being open with you or sharing enough about their life, about what goes on in their day, and just all in all, seems indifferent and as if they’re holding back, hiding things, and perhaps keeping you in the dark, or even lying (Heaven forbid), let them know how you’re feeling. When someone hides things, seems closed up, or doesn’t share things with you enough, it can make you feel truly unloved. We need to be one another’s best friend when we’re in a relationship, so things like this don’t happen. When two people are best friends, they’ll naturally go to them, confide in them, and openly share things with them.

Sometimes in relationships, we’re less open, don’t share as much, and don’t communicate our true feelings with one another. And we usually do this, because we want to keep the peace, have “shalom bayit,” avoid confrontation, and make things go smoothly and flow in our relationship. But remember, relationships take effort and hard work. We need to care enough about our partner to let them know the truth, our genuine feelings, what’s really going on, and to show them that we truly care by being open, honest, direct, and openly communicating and sharing with them. Good things in life don’t come by easy. We need to remember to nip things in the bud, address issues or concerns early on, and tell our partner how we’re feeling and open up. This is the best and only true way to keep the peace in your relationship. 

Anne Cohen
Follow me

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *