As I’m about to write this article, I have this vision of my father imitating Curly from The Three Stooges saying the first line, ” Yea, that’s right, I’m a blogger. Relationships, yea, that’s the ticket! So what’s it to ya!” Ever since I was about two years old, I was a Three Stooges fan and I thank my father in heaven for that. Well, it’s true, I’m a lifestyle and relationship blogger, single, and still hoping to find my true love. In case you’re wondering, I’m definitely not trying to promote myself in this article. However, this does lead me to one of the points that I’m going to be addressing which is the fact that when anyone dates a relationship blogger, they end up reading into what they write too much.
Over the past two years that I’ve been blogging, well, I suppose it’s nearly two and a half years now, but who’s counting. Either way, during this time I’ve never really written about myself on a deep and personal level. At least, not too deep. Patience my dear, patience, because I will share more about myself… eventually. Slowly but surely, I’ll be opening up my vault (to some extent at least). Have no fear for those that are close to me or know me on a deeper level, because some things will never be spoken of, ha ha ha ha (in by best dracula impression). I think I just scared myself writing that. Okay, so back to my point, which is that dating a relationship blogger brings about many fears and concerns from whoever dates them.
When a Man Considers Dating Me, but Then Finds out That I’m a Relationship Blogger
Many times people are afraid that relationship bloggers are going to write about their dates, their relationships, or even their intimacy if things get heated enough. Being a relationship blogger doesn’t mean that you don’t respect people’s privacy, or even that you don’t have your own private life that you want to remain private.
On the contrary, relationship bloggers are just like anyone else, and there’s definitely some things that are meant to be kept in the vault (as Larry David would say), and private. There are some things that shouldn’t be said, because they’re private, but also because no one’s probably going to want to hear about them. Having said that, and despite the reason for keeping certain things private, it’s important to know that being a relationship blogger is a job just like any other job, and that means that there’s work life and then there’s also a private life.
The Thoughts That Go Through His Head
When you meet anyone, certain thoughts are going to come to your head. But, when you specifically meet a relationship blogger, it makes you think, and sometimes, too much. In life, too much of anything can be just too much at times. A lot of times people overthink things and read into what someone means by what they say. The great things about dating someone that either doesn’t play games, has a direct and honest approach, or is just a good, old fashioned relationship blogger (like me) is the fact that we communicate our thoughts and our feelings freely and generally speaking (at least from my perspective), with an open book mentality. We tell it how it is, without filtering, and we try to do so in an honest, but kind manner. This should be something truly refreshing to hear, and should definitely put many minds to rest when speaking with or dating a relationship blogger.
Another great thing about relationship bloggers that people usually tend to fear is that they’re like tape recorders, and anything that you say will be written about the next morning. Well, from my own personal experience, I can honestly tell you that I don’t do that, and if anything, I try to respect people’s privacy. If you think about it, it’s my own privacy as well. The last thing that I want in life is to hurt other people, and writing about my dating and personal life too much could do that, so I try to avoid it for the most part.
Having said that, if a great deal of time has passed or I feel that something will benefit others, then I try to remember it (changing a great deal about it I might add), and then write about it at a much later point. It’s unfortunate however, because many times people read into what I write too much, and despite what they might’ve thought or there being any reality to whether or not what was written was about them, they become defensive and assume that it was, and boy, oh boy, do they get upset!
When someone finds out that I’m a relationship blogger, they get this look to their face as if they’d better be careful with what they say to me, and how they act. I don’t know about most relationship bloggers, so I suppose I can only speak for myself when I write this stuff. But, I can’t imagine that most relationship bloggers wouldn’t agree that being genuine and authentic with what you say and how you act are two essential and mandatory requirements if they’re single and hoping to meet someone.
You shouldn’t have to filter what you say and how you act in order to impress others. Don’t get me wrong, because first impressions are everything if you want a chance to get someone’s interest from the get-go. Having said that, and as I’ve written before, first impressions aren’t supposed to be false impressions, so it’s important to stay authentic with how you act and what you say. If anything, relationship bloggers write about love so it’s important to be comfortable, genuine, and feel happy that you’re speaking to someone that’s able to communicate their feelings. Communicating and expressing oneself is something that many people struggle with, so embrace the moment to hang or get a date with a relationship blogger. She or he will most likely tell you how it is and keep it real so to speak.
As well, for those relationship bloggers that are still single like me, we’re hoping to find something genuine, real, authentic, and meaningful, so when people put on an act and try to impress us, it’s a huge turn off, and we lose interest very quickly. As a wise man once said, you’ve got to keep it real. So the next time that you meet a relationship blogger that’s single and you have an interest in dating him or her, don’t be paranoid that they’re going to publicize everything that you say, do, or anything in regards to your relationship. Go into every situation with a blank, clean slate, and if you have any fears or concerns, you should definitely communicate them to the person or the “relationship blogger.”
Relationship Bloggers Are Imperfect Just Like You
There’s another issue that I’d like to address as far as relationship bloggers go, and that’s the misconception that they need to have perfect family and romantic lives in order to be considered reputable, credible, or worthy of giving advice to others. Hey, this is 2016, so I’m sure that most of you have heard of internet trolls that write comments everywhere, while we find ourselves reading them (I admit that I’ve done it, and I’m a bit ashamed to say), and yet, people still question a blogger having opinions? Really? Everyone has an opinion. All that a blogger does is shares their opinions publicly, and people can either take their views and advice like a grain of salt or if they feel inspired enough, they can absorb what they learned and add that knowledge, those shared thoughts, and those experiences into their life.
Occasionally, I get hateful and bitter comments from people that are completely and utterly coming out of a bad place (for the most part). Having said that, I still try to address those comments whenever possible, so here goes. Your life isn’t perfect, and neither is mine. Some people get married for different reasons, get divorced for different reasons, get separated for different reasons, and are single for different reasons. There’s always a reason as to why someone is in whatever situation that they’re in, and putting them down or being unconstructive and critical of them for why they’re in the position that they’re in is wrong, insensitive, and cruel.
If someone directs a comment to me that’s negative or seemingly coming out of a bad place, trying to put me down for the way I write, what I write, saying things as if “who the heck am I to write and help others when I don’t have a perfect situation at home,” or being that I’ve been divorced, etc., so what gives me the credibility to tell people what to do. Well frankly, and in a nutshell, I don’t tell anyone what to do or how to live their lives. I give my opinions and feelings that are based on logic, love, and my own personal experiences (and maybe some knowledge from some things that I’ve read over the years as well).
Like I said before, no one knows what reasons others are single, separated, divorced, or married. No one knows why a person truly gets married, or what happened if G-d forbid, things fall apart. No one has to explain themselves to others or try to convince them that they’re a good person or able to help and inspire people. But, I can definitely tell that you when people comment things as such, they’re usually doing so out of a bad place which is usually motivated by envy, jealousy, and hate. It’s imperative to avoid all toxic people and toxic comments when you’re a relationship blogger or anyone else for that matter.
In my own personal opinion, knowing that I don’t have to address certain negative comments, and at times, still choosing to do so is mostly not to try to convince others that I’m a good person or that they can’t hurt me with their words. But more so, I respond so that others can see that despite how toxic and negative someone acts, and despite what nastiness people may write in the comments to me or others, there’s still a kind and poised way of responding (or not responding) to their negativity without getting crazy, losing your temper, getting depressed, or even letting it affect you. I write about self-control, self-improvement, and things of the sort, because I think it makes a big difference in the amount of happiness that we experience in life when we work on ourselves and try to improve on who we are as individuals.
As far as someone having a perfect life, there’s no such thing, so people should bring down their expectations of anyone that tries to help and inspire others, and that includes relationship bloggers, “supposed” relationship experts, psychologists, psychiatrists, and anyone else in the field. Something to remember is that we’re all individuals, just like anyone else, and despite what line of work we’re in, we have a private life too. There are good cops and bad cops, good therapists and bad therapists, and good relationship bloggers and bad ones. Despite a person’s job, they’re still human, still imperfect, and can still choose to help and inspire others. Remember, think positive, give new situations a chance, communicate your feelings, and stop the hate.
Are Bloggers and Writers Only Wise and Credible If They Have an Elaborate Education?
It’s important to know that just because someone has an education from the best universities and what not, doesn’t mean that they’re going to be more knowledgeable than someone that’s street smart and has lived a full life. A lot of wisdom that people can acquire in life is through experience, and although some of that experience can be taken from school, universities, and careers, much of it can also be acquired through struggles, hard times, traveling, and reading. Wisdom comes from having the desire to grow, explore, and mostly, from having an open mind to learn new things.
Some of the wisest people in this world are actually not very well educated as far as schooling goes. Having said that, please don’t misinterpret what I’m trying to say, because I feel that having an education is imperative if you want to have many wonderful opportunities in life as far as having a career goes. If anything, it’s important for me to have my children go to college and get well educated in school. I’m merely trying to get the point across that just because someone doesn’t have a great and elaborate education doesn’t mean that they’re not going to be great at what they choose to do in life.
Helping and inspiring others is a choice that we can all make in life, despite one’s education or career. You don’t have to be a neurosurgeon to help people and inspire them. You can be anything that you want in life, and yet still be able to help and inspire others. You can be damn good at it too! The most important thing is to do what you love in life, and if you’re able to help others, the more power to you.
Relationship Bloggers, and Anyone Else That Helps and Inspires Others Needs to Remember to Stay Balanced
I always write about how balance is imperative in having true happiness in life. I also write about the fact that we need to make time for everything that’s important to us, so that nothing gets treated as an option, instead of a priority. However, when it comes to someone working in the field of helping others and trying to inspire people to become the best versions of themselves, sometimes it takes away from them having a balanced life. I wonder if that partially makes me a hypocrite, or fully one for that matter. But either way, in the beginning of any business or line of work, when you start out, it takes effort, determination, and giving a little bit of extra attention to things in order to get your feet off of the ground so to speak. So I think that gets me off of the hook (being that my dating life is nearly nonexistent).
As far as relationship bloggers and people that are there to help and inspire others to become better people and to improve on their relationships, sometimes our own personal relationships end up taking a back seat, and not getting the love and attention that they should. For me personally, I can honestly say that being a single mom of two kids, my kids come first and foremost, before my writing, and anything else. Having said that, I still view having balance and developing a romantic relationship with someone as important for me to have in my life. Note to self: Balance Anne, balance. Wishing you all a great day, and thank you for reading!
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13 thoughts on “The Private Life of a Relationship Blogger”
ARC? Anne R. Cohen?
I really enjoyed your article Anne and didn’t even think about some of the points you raised. I was happy to read though that you don’t think credible bloggers should all have an elaborate education. I’m doing my thing as a woman approaching 60 who wants to encourage others to be fit, healthy and happy in midlife and beyond. No, I don’t have health or fitness qualifications but I walk the talk. I run in marathons, do personal training, yoga, eat healthy and try to enjoy my life to the max. Thanks for making me feel worthwhile.
I laughed through most of this article because it was so honest??
Thank you Rio 🙂
“Relationship Bloggers Are Imperfect”
Maybe not You. You are perfect.
Great text, wonderful words.
Thank you Jose! 🙂
Bravely written. Your words are wise and warmly welcomed.
Thank you Eric 🙂
Being authentic is probably the single most important thing in a relationship. Anyone would be lucky to date you. <3
Thank you Christina 🙂 <3
Awesome article! Your writing is such an inspiration for me:))
Thank you 🙂