Why You Shouldn’t Have to Lose Someone Before You Appreciate Them



In life, many times people take things for granted. They take people for granted, and many times, unfortunately, some people end up having to lose someone or something from their life, before they truly know its value and how great that someone or something really is. But then there are people who will appreciate a good thing when they see it, and many times, right off the bat. They’ll recognize how special, unique, and valuable someone or something is, and not have to set it free or lose it, in order to know it’s worth.

When people recognize how special someone is without having to lose them first, it’s usually because they have an open heart. Speaking of which, some people don’t just say that they have an open and loving heart, but their words hold deep meaning, and one will tend to see it clearly through their actions, and not merely from empty words or broken promises that they may utter from their lips. And truth be told, that’s just what’s needed in this beautiful world—for more people to have pure intentions, to keep their word, and for actions to be aligned with words.

When someone sees the good in someone and is appreciative right away, it’s more than optimism—it’s looking at someone on a deeper level and with an open heart. As well, it’s likely that they’re aware that no one is perfect, that we all have some good qualities, some qualities that are merely O.K., and some qualities that maybe we’d prefer to do without. But still, they recognize the value of someone, and they appreciate them. When someone recognizes how good someone is early on and from the get-go, it’s because they see the good. And when they’re smart, they’ll appreciate a good thing when it’s in front of them, and when they have it. And they’d likely never want to do anything that would risk losing it, especially when they recognize its value.

So what is value? Value is when you know something is rare, one of a kind, special, unique, important, incredible, imperfectly perfect, and oh boy, this list could go on. Value is when something is incomparable and when it’s worth something to you or to someone else. We need to value ourselves in life. And we need to value others for how they’re unique and different in their own way. We should value people for their time, effort, and the energy that they put into doing things for us. And we should appreciate people, and truly comprehend that we’re all worthy of being respected, appreciated, and loved. And when we genuinely value someone, we shouldn’t take them for granted or do anything to risk losing them or hurting them.

When you value someone, you put more care, more energy, more patience, more work, and more love into it. Many people value someone early on and when things are new, like at the beginning of a relationship perhaps. During the honeymoon phase, it’s usually easy to adore and appreciate someone, and also, to show you care by doing your share in your relationship. But then over time, sometimes, people don’t care about it as much, they don’t put as much effort into maintaining the love and happiness in their relationship. And this is usually simply because they stop valuing it, they’ve become spoiled if you will, and frankly, many times, it’s because they’ve become used to someone or a situation, and they take it for granted. Remember that, the more you love or care about someone, the more you’ll need to be dedicated to maintaining things, towards appreciating your partner for the long run, and not solely in the beginning when it will likely be easier to like, love, or lust over.

In life, it’s important to treat others with kindness, respect, and appreciation. But it’s also important not to go about life living in a delusional bubble, filled with unrealistic expectations, thinking that we should instantly love someone and appreciate them so passionately as if we’ve loved them forever. Obviously, real agape love takes time to develop. But there’s a big difference between appreciating someone and recognizing their value, from taking someone for granted and treating them as if they’re not important, merely an option or heaven forbid, the flavour of the week.

Having said all of the above, if you’re dating someone or are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you, your time, or your love, and you never feel appreciated, talk with the person, and communicate your feelings. And make sure that when you do so, you do so with kindness, love, and poise, but be direct. Never be afraid to share your feelings. And don’t be with someone who treats you poorly, who puts you last, or who treats you like one of many, instead of one in a million. Be with someone who will know your worth, and who won’t do anything to risk losing you. And look, sometimes people have funny (or not so funny) reasons for why they’re not making their partner feel special or appreciated, and many times, it’s because they feel they have many other options, or because they’re really not all that emotionally invested in what you share. In cases as such, close the door and know your own self-worth, whether they do or not.

Last but not least, I want to leave you with this advice. If you’re hoping to find a healthy and happy relationship or be in a situation where the love is real, genuine, and where you both feel loved and appreciated, do your part by having an open heart, and by acknowledging issues, concerns, or red flags. But also, by understanding that we are all imperfect and are better in some areas than we are in others. Make sure that you open your heart and your eyes as you’re getting to know someone, and that you’re giving promising situations a real chance by being the best version of yourself, and by putting some love and effort into appreciating the person, and seeing the good in them and the situation.

Anne Cohen
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